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A novel by Dom Synopsis Second Chances

"General Guardian, I'm sorry about that mess at the Anointment Ball."

"Mess? Senior Guardian Anchorius, that was not a mess at all, it was chaos.

Frankly your charge named Abso has made quite a reputation for himself, that God forbid, I must take sterner measures this time around."

"General Guardian, Abso is still an apprentice Guardian. Still learning the job. Admittedly he is still not rid of lapses of judgement."

"Oh Yes. Lapses of judgement that cause chaos. He will be brought back to earth for this latest outrage."

General Guardian, Abso is of better use if he were not confined under the sod for the rest of Eternity."

"There's always room for someone to guard the border between Heaven and the Netherworld. Perhaps he will do better by causing chaos at the border, he is after all a borderline case."

"When I sent him to see the Lady of Sorrows, he brought her a joke book."

"He was just trying to cheer her up a bit."

"Not ALL the jokes were decent."

"Again, as I've mentioned, a lapse of judgment consistent with all apprentices."

"I sent him to observe the Valley of Tranquility and as you're well aware of the Valley of Tranquility has only parrots as its inhabitants. Abso was told to contemplate on the virtue of silence and stillness of Nature. Instead, Abso decided to join in the exchanges of the parrots. Now all the parrots of the Valley of Tranquility are singing the song he taught them."

"What song might that be, General?"

"The Crow's Ballad."

Senior Guardian Anchorius smiles.

"So you see, Anchorius, the parrots of the Valley of Tranquility now have an identity crisis. They are parrots singing the Crow's Ballad. Now I have to undo the damage and teach them to be themselves the next time I visit.

Then there was another assignment I sent him to do. I told him to observe the barrenness of the Desert and report back to me. Abso went to the desert, felt unamused after awhile and leaped from sand dune to sand dune, pirouetting from oasis to oasis and chased sand storms.

Since he had occupied himself much at the desert, I considered a change of scenery for Abso. I sent him to visit the rivers of the world."

"Which he did."

"Oh yes he did, along with taking every care to soak his robes in every river he visited and when asked why he did so....."

"Allow me sir!", said Anchorius. "Abso said, 'To be one with water, I must be with water.'"

"Precisely. When I asked Abso to help with the welcoming ceremony of other apprentice Guardians, he welcomed them in our dignified manner and then also taught them how to perform the sacred Hunky Hunka dance. Which is of course forbidden unless you have progressed to at least the level of Senior Guardian. May I know from where he had learned the step from?"

Anchorius frowns and replies,

"Well, I ...uh ... performed the step for him once, after much cajoling. He's a very fast learner."

"AND fluid is his smooth tongue!", thundered General Guardian. He continued, "Heavens Anchorius, what would happen if all apprentices were to perform the Hunky Hunka before they're properly trained? Just because Abso is a senior apprentice, he still cannot perform that in front of others. There are some rules of protocol which we cannot break."

"At least only he seems to know how to perform it well, but the others were very poor imitators."

The General Guardian sighed and said...

"It is exactly the actions of the poor imitators which had ruined the Anointment Ball.

As you can see this is what happened...."

FLASHBACK- during the Anointment Ball.

The Grand Hall was filled with apprentice Guardians, waiting to be anointed in the ceremony, a formal ceremony to mark their passage into Guardianship.

Among those there, Senior Guardian Abso, guiding a small gathering of new apprentices around the Grand Hall. Never content to go the usual route, Abso took them to the back of the Hall, where a great lush gorge overlooked a section of the world, with the skies clothed in soft white and lightest blues.

"As you can see, a scenery fitting for dreaming the afternoon away!", declared Abso.

"Don't we have all Eternity?", asked Apprentice Soppy.

"Quite right Apprentice Soppy and Eternity has you!", replied Abso.

(Laughter)

"Right before the Senior Guardians and Guardian General arrive at the Anointment Ball, there's something I have to tell you. The Senior Guardians will greet each other with a Hunky Hunka dance."

(Laughter)

"Would you like to see the Hunky Hunka dance?", Abso asked.

"Why not?"

"Show us!"

"If this is what we have to do next time, we want to see!"

"A dance? That's rather quaint!"

"I didn't know Guardians have such excesses!"

"Well, it comes with Seniority!"

(Laughter)

"But..but..you're just a Senior Apprentice! How would you know?", again asked Apprentice Soppy.

"I talked my Master into showing me his dance, after much persuasion, he relented.", declared Abso.

Abso leaps on a platform and then starts to demonstrate.

"So you swerve from side to side smoothly and then dip yourself down like this, vertically and spin yourself into as small a radius as possible from your head down to the surface, slowly at first and then speed up, as fast as you can!"

(Applause)

"My Master can spin himself very swiftly. I'm just about half his speed."

"Why Abso that's really quite easy! I think we can all try.", said Apprentice Preppy.

"Just don't forget where you're heading!"

"Let us try!"

"Yes, lets!"

The apprentices imitate what Abso had just shown but with much less fluidity and less speed.

"Hahahahahaha..you're getting the hang of it! It's always hard at first.", Abso declared.

"Spin as fast as you can, I think I can try that one!", declared apprentice Soppy.

Soppy did a somewhat stiff side to side swerve and quickly launched into a vertical spin

...."Let's see how fast I can go!"

Soppy did it quickly but forgot all about spinning on the spot. Others soon followed and made the same mistake.

"Stop...stop..you are going too fast and you're spinning away from your axis!", cried a now worried Abso.

Slowly the others started slowing down, many hit against the pillars, some against each other and some were carried by momentum out to the front of the Hall, with other apprentices watching the confused scene, just as the Senior Guardians and Guardian General entered the Hall.

Just then Apprentice Preppy who had been spinning crashed against Anchorius.

"Ah! What the Saints are you doing?"

CRASH!

"I have a ...headache!"

"Senior Anchorius! If I'm not mistaken that Apprentice just made a drunken version of the Hunky Hunka.", declared General Guardian.

"WATCH OUT!"

Apprentice Soppy spins uncontrollably towards the direction of the Anointment Pot, knocking over other apprentices and almost crashing into several Senior Guardians.

Abso in hot pursuit.

Anchorius, caught by surprise by the scene muttered.."What the Saints???.....Abso????"

Abso preoccupied with trying to save the situation, sped in hot pursuit towards Soppy. Stifled giggles from other Senior Apprentices who know Abso and his previous exploits.

Soppy had now hit the stand of the Anointment Pot, knocking it over and Soppy rolled with it, trapped by the Pot. Oil spilled all over the place, making the hall slippery. Abso wasted no time, caught up with Soppy by going into the Pot in his spirit body, rolling the opposite way to stop Soppy's roll.

"Soppy! Stop Rolling! I'll have to roll the opposite way to stop you!"

"Arrrrggghhhh! This Hunky Hunka is worse than I thought!!!!!"

"HANG ON!"

"Arrrrggghhh!"

All the while the entire gathering watched. The apprentices with amusement. Senior Apprentices with slight worry and amusement. Guardians with flabbergasted faces. Senior Guardians with horrified looks. The General Guardian with outrage.

They both continued rolling under the Pot and just stopped short in front of General Guardian's feet. A stern expression of displeasure on his face.

Back to the present discussion between Senior Guardian Anchorius and General Guardian.

"But General, Abso did volunteer to clean all the robes of those affected by his latest so called outrage."

"It was outrage, not so-called. You realise there is only so much that I can excuse him for without incurring further wrath from the God we serve. My mind is set Senior Guardian. I won't bury him in the sod, but he just escaped from border duty by one bit of Goodness and a wisp of coincidence."

"I am relieved to hear that General Guardian."

"Senior Guardian Anchorius, by Providence we have received knowledge of impending danger in the Fableland. Abso has to learn that Life isn't one amusement after another. It's also responsibility for your actions!"

"Where is Abso bound now General?"

"The Fableland. To serve."

"He can't show himself in his present form."

"Anchorius, I have given that due thought and he will assume the earthly form of his namesake in the Fableland. There is a King's Guard corporal named Abso Rogue. Your Abso will take his place."

"Why this Abso Rogue character and why my Abso?"

"If I allow Abso Rogue to continue his existence in the Fableland, he'll soon run away with the Queen one day soon!"

"It's not that bad!"

"Anchorius!"

"It's bad!"

"Listen, the Fableland is in grave danger and Abso is just the right one to put things back to normal. There will be a plot to slay Corporal Rogue. When the time comes you Abso will take his place."

"Where do we put this Abso Rogue since he is supposed to be dead?"

"There's always room for a waiter in Heaven!"

Abso is alone, confined in the Cell of Repentance. He has been penitent ever since the door was shut behind him. Feeling terribly sorry for the mess he had caused. He'd been on his knees the whole while.

Abso had performed a ritual of repentance all the while inside. Half a million prostrations, a quarter of a million prayers of repentance and another quarter of a million prayers of forgiveness. Abso certainly knew when he had displeased God.

"This is bigger than my mischief of letting the Lady of Sorrows read a notorious joke book. Worse than my playing in the desert and chasing the winds. I wish I could just go to the rivers and soak myself. Then again, I cannot really soak myself physically. Angels don't take baths like people. I feel so bad I don't think I can even sing the Crow's Ballad now.

I think the Guardian General really is angry at me. He'd probably have Master Anchorius send me to the border of Heaven and The Netherworld and have me perform borderguard duty. Be a thorn in the devil's flesh. If that be His will, I'll do it, for this horrid misdeed at the Anointment Ball! Great Going Abso! You've really really fouled up, big time this time! Sometimes I wonder if I can ever get to the rank of Guardian, being such a mess of a Senior Apprentice. Me and my Hunky Hunka presentation. I guess there's not going to be so much song and dance at the border patrol! I really feel I've let down my Master Anchorius this time. For all I know he's having a sordid time from General Guardian, himself. I've really let him down.

What's the worse that can happen? General Guardian might bury me in the sod for Eternity and all that will be of me won't even be one squeak beneath the sod! At least I'm not wicked enough to be roasted in the pit!"

Abso sinks further on his knees. An Angel suffering from Depression.

A short distance away, Senior Guardian Anchorius makes his way to Abso's cell, with a scroll in hand. The guards of the Cell of Repentance, make way when the scroll is presented, with the General Guardian's seal.

"Open the Cell. I'm to see Abso.", said Senior Guardian Anchorius, with a deadpan serious expression. Considering that he's just had a session with General Guardian, anyone would be deadpan serious.

The guards comply.

The cell opens. Abso whirls around to know what next shall befall him.

"Master! You have come!", cried an excited Abso.

"Abso, I've come to see you after a meeting with Guardian General."

"Master, I'm terribly sorry if you had to take so much punishment on my behalf."

"Abso, I’m here to see you and to tell you something."

"Master, I'll face anything and the wrath of General Guardian. But I do want to serve."

"Abso, after much mulling the General has decided that you should be brought down to earth."

"Master, he wants me to be buried under the sod for all eternity? Master, that's the last place I want to be but if that's God's will then...."

(Hangs head low)

"Abso, let me finish! Guardian General is not going to bury you for that latest outrage!" He is still annoyed to say the least!"

"I'm truly sorry Master. I've been at the ritual of repentance all the while inside. Half a million prostrations, a quarter of a million prayers of repentance and another quarter of a million prayers of forgiveness."

"Abso , that is all fine...but...."

"But what Master? What else can I do to make up for it?"

"You're going down to earth to the Fableland. There a King's Guard Corporal will be slain shortly and you will take his place. It's an important mission."

"That sounds interesting. But what will become of the slain Corporal?"

"General Guardian has prepared room for another Waiter in Heaven."

"Aren't we having quite a few Waiters of late?"

"There's always room for salvation, if they're willing!"

"What's the name of the Corporal, the one whom I'm supposed to assume his place on earth?"

"Abso Rogue."

"What???"

"Abso Rogue."

"I think this is Guardian General's way of reminding me of my exploits. But I will abide my his orders, Master! I've been called a few names already here, but I'm to blame for some of it!"

"Let me guess...'Abso So-So', 'Abso More Soul', 'Absolution' among many others. But this time Abso, it's Abso Rogue."

(Abso sticks his tongue out and laughs).

"Glad to see you're getting comfortable with that name!"

Senior Guardian Anchorius calls out the Guards. He shows them General Guardian's scroll, ordering them to free Abso, immediately. They comply. Master and Apprentice leave the Cell of Repentance.

While the outcome looks promising for Abso up above, a different scenery unfolds at Fableland. Down at the valleys where on better days people could have picnics, 2 main armies were massed, facing each other. It doesn't look as if they were just showing off their colours. They were also showing off their armoury. In pink and black stripes, were King Conniving's army, artillery and cavalry. In green and yellows were King Froggers' army, cavalry and artillery. The catapults with flaming bombs were exchanged between the two armies, wreaking havoc at each other's scrubbed and brushed uniforms.

Over at King Froggers' side of the field...

"Your Majesty, I suggest we send a forward charge as a ruse and then split both flanks to their rear. I'll increase our rate of artillery and smoke to distract them."

"You've never been known to fail, General Sabrewaver. Go ahead .. but the bulk of the King's Guards stay with me!"

"Of course Your Majesty. I meant the Regulars will spearhead the charge, while the Deluxe and Enhanced Troops will do the rear flanking movement.

We still have a section of battle axes, fencers and guns to ward them off should they break through the spearhead."

"King Conniving's really throwing everything at us this time and ..."

General Sabrewaver's eyes weren't on his King but a rather big flash coming from the catapult over at King Conniving's side of the field. A pale flash of something sailed through the air towards where they are...

"Majesty! Watch out!"

Both duck to the side.

CRASH!!!!! Cracks of a thousand splinters could be felt, against their battlegear.

"Hm,,, King Conniving's throwing even the kitchen sink at us."

King Froggers picks up a splinter. Common ceramic, with a layer of grime. Someone obviously hadn't cleaned it for awhile. I know King Conniving can't stand my guts but he's really outdone his generosity by sending a kitchen sink."

"I'd say we return them the favour Sire!"

"What do you suggest General Sabrewaver?"

"I could spare them last night's ruined porridge with burnt crust!"

"Let them have it!"

While over at King Conniving's side of the field, he and General Doublecross are having an exchange. The flaming balls of bombs aren’t ruining their uniforms and head dresses yet, so they could afford to talk.

"Majesty, I suggest an increase of bombardment and smokescreen followed by a 3 pronged spearhead direct into their centre. My spies tell me that King Froggers is up on Loafer's Hill. If we break through, a special team of Raiders will try to take him prisoner."

"Prisoner?? My foot, socks and trousers! Take him alive?? Never, I want him in 2 pieces at least. His Kingdom will be mine once I have his head!"

"Yes, Majesty, I'll see to it that the order is changed from 'seize' to 'eliminate'."

Just as General Doublecross prepares to convey change of plans to the messenger, a hail of porridge sailed over in thick formation over to their side of the field. Ruining immaculately cleaned helmets, shiny armour, messing up well kept beards and generally ruining every soldier’s laundry.

A generous glob of stale porridge with burnt crust ended on King Conniving's face, squarely, knocking him backwards. He was down, seated on the grass as his servants wiped his face.

Taking a glob on his right palm, he tasted the glob and yelled, "Stale porridge in return for my kitchen sink!!!! I'll make him pay for this! CHARGE them with full force now!"

Immediately, well almost immediately if you factor in the time to call the messengers and send them their orders and them marshalling the main attack soldiers, King Conniving's army set out to charge. Furious, King Conniving was in no mood to listen to General Doublecross. When he's furious he only listens to himself.

While miles away from the fussing and fighting, Corporal Rogue is summoned to the Queen's chamber.

"You summoned me Your Majesty?"

"Yes, Corporal Abso Rogue. I realise that King Froggers is busy with his little wars right now. I'd like you to send a message to him on my behalf. The seal outside confirms the identity of the sender. Please do not engage the enemy as much as possible. I like my messengers to come back in one piece."

"I shall do your bidding Your Highness!"

With that Corporal Rogue rose to his feet and snatched a little naughty wink at the Queen.

He was quick out of the chamber and along the way and met the still young Princess on her way to her mother's chamber. He gave her a wink as well.

The Princess giggled.

"Corporal Rogue is funny. He likes to play with his eyes!"

Queen Glasslipper wondered as to why Corporal Rogue, had eyed her in a cautious manner before he left. She wondered aloud "Could it be spinach in between my teeth?" "Could it be that my hair is tousled?" "Is my tiara in place?" She rushes to the mirror on the wall and saw none of such flaws. She gives out a sigh. Then whirls around.

"What then could have made him so?"

She looks down on the floor and sees...that her slip is showing!

"Oh I see the problem here!"

"Lady Bountiful!" "Ladies in Waiting!"

In rushes Lady Bountiful, lifting her gown a bit above the ground, while rushing in.

"Good. I am in need of your services!"

Lady Bountiful moves in front of the Queen, lifts her arms, stretches her locks, shielding the Queen as her slip is being adjusted by other Ladies in Waiting.

Just as Lady Bountiful has done so, in rushes the Chamberlain.

"Majesty! I have word from the King!"

"Go on Chamberlain!"

"The King is now engaging the enemy's army. He urges you not to be unduly alarmed. Should anything happen to him, he wants you to keep Prince Perry and Princess Polly safe."

"That is very well. Also did he say how he'd like his soup after he has finished with battle?"

"Yes, Majesty."

"What did he say?"

"He'd like it the usual way."

Lady Bountiful giggles, and instinctively she drops one arm to cover her mouth inevitably revealing the Queen! Fortunately the slip has already been readjusted. The Chamberlain in an act of instinct, lowers his head.

"Thank you Chamberlain. You may take your leave now."

He takes an about turn and leaves the room.

Now the Corporal was out to the yard and on the saddle of his trusted mount, Horsey Horsey. "Off to the battlefield's rearguard Horsey Horsey!"

"Off to one of the Queen's letters again for the King eh?"

"Horsey Horsey, just let's get there!"

"C'mon Master, you can't possible keep your secret missions secret from me!"

"Cheeky Four footer!"

"NEIGH! NEIGH!"

"That's more like it!"

"You get annoyed when I talk back eh?"

"I like my Horsey Horsey better when she neighs! If you were a person I'd suggest the position of court jester for you!"

"Spoil sport! NEIGH ! NEIGH!"

"Hahaha!"

Off they went. While winding along the cobbled streets of the Fortress. Corporal Rogue meets a group of Court Ladies. He gives them all a wicked wink! "Good Day Darlings! You look fabulous!" Throws them all a flying kiss.

(Giggles and Laughter) Some of them appear to swoon.

"That wicked playboy! I bet he does that to all the women he meets!"

"I don't mind him at all! Do you?"

"You know Horsey Horsey, I think I'd do better with the Ladies once I learn how to play the lute like a seasoned musician!"

Horsey Horsey, galloping at swift pace replied, "If you put in more effort at playing the lute rather than be seen with a lute!"

"Horsey Horsey, so you don't think I can play the lute?"

"NEIGH! NEIGH!"

"We'll see then! Off to the rearguard's station!"

Corporal Rogue rides with intensity as he approached the battlefield. He hears screams and loud thuds during the exchange of bombardment. He spies splinters of something that looks like cheap ceramic. He sees also globs of porridge being catapulted to the other side.

"Hm.... now even our bad cooks are using the convenience of a catapult for war!"

He crosses a field where a fierce exchange of had to hand mortal combat is in progress. A pink and black clad enemy trooper sees him, and charges at Rogue. Rogue sees the threat and flings a metal object, which hits the man squarely in the face.

"Hey Master! That's my old horse shoe!", said Horsey Horsey, in perfect human speech.

"Don't say I don't reuse old stuff!", replied Rogue.

Another enemy trooper sees him and tries to swing his sword in a headlong charge. Rogue charges, swerves in time just as he lands a blow on the trooper's exposed cheek. WHAM!

"Master ! What was that?"

"My old drinking mug. It leaks so I decided to let it out in a blaze of glory!"

Rogue rides on. Another pink and black trooper sees him, this time he tries to swing a dagger. Rogue sees the threat, Horsey Horsey leaps up next to him as Rogue crashes a riding crop on the trooper's face. WHAP! The enemy falls.

"Things are getting too hot here Horsey Horsey!"

"You can say that again Master!", replied Horsey Horsey, again in human speech. Whenever things get tense, Horsey Horsey starts talking. Rogue rides on just as a section of The King's Guard run past him to meet the fray up ahead.

More screams, shouts and groans as he swerved to the rear flank. Charging his way up the steep slope to meet up with His Majesty, King Froggers.

In the meanwhile General Sabrewaver sends a messenger downhill. He rides headlong, almost hitting Rogue. Rogue swerves and shouts, "Watch where you're going, you oaf!"

The Corporal charges towards the King and sees behind a shrub, an enemy soldier about to release a crossbow. He pitches an old horse shoe at the bowman, causing his aim to go wide. Captain Lawde orders a charge at the shrub. As Corporal Rogue nears in his approach to the King's party he cries out, "Majesty, a message from the Queen!"

An enemy soldier overhears and he swings his mace and lets go at Rogue's direction at great speed. It hits him on the helmet and makes the corporal lose his grip and consciousness. He falls off Horsey Horsey. Two arrows hit him. She neighs an alarm, stopping herself before she goes further. She turns around to see an enemy soldier about to finish Rogue off with a raised sword in the shadows. Horsey Horsey leaps at the soldier, sending him off in the opposite direction with the force of her front leap. The man falls, heavily. He lays still. Another soldier emerges from behind and tries to maul Horsey Horsey. She returns with an unexpected rear kick, with both hindquarters. He too falls quickly and heavily. A plaintive cry from Horsey Horsey alerts all to her plight.

"Quickly take the Corporal to the Doctor!", orders Captain Lawde.

Unknown to all, Corporal Rogue's soul had departed at that time. Abso the Novice Guardian takes over his form. In the meantime, he cannot stir.

In Fableland, when you do die, you're either crust or dust. With Abso taking over Corporal Rogue, there is no crust and dust.

"They were trying to pick off anyone other than a common soldier from this point and maybe the King too!", declared a startled General Sabrewaver. "Somehow they slipped through our troops.", he said with much regret.

The King took the message with the Queen's seal, that had fallen from Corporal Rogue's hand. Horsey Horsey looking sadly at her fallen Master. Rogue is taken to the nearest shelter for medical attention. Horsey Horsey waits nearby, under the care of a Private from the King's Guard. She is inconsolable.

General Sabrewaver picks up the scroll. "Sire, Corporal Rogue had this in his hands."

The King unfurls the message from his Queen and turns away to read.

While out in the main battlelines, King Froggers's loyal troops proclaim victory against the forces of King Conniving. As the green foot soldiers celebrated, the defeated pink and black battlegear clad forces, beat a hasty retreat. Their gear stained with tell tale signs of bad porridge with burnt crust.

END OF CHAPTER SAMPLES OF SECOND CHANCES, A NOVEL BY DOM

For full novel contents please contact Dom at dominaeprimus@yahoo.com

A novel by Dom Synopsis Second Chances